i used to scream, ferociously, any time i wanted

well, i made another video for youtube, so here’s the obligatory sharing of it:

i shared this one much faster than normal! be proud! no, really. i’m doing terribly.

today i medically withdrew from college for the 2nd time and i also texted my therapist for a referral to an online (thanks covid-19?) partial hospitalization course that i kind of, uh, need, to survive. but i am safe. i am doing it. things might be okay.

so i guess this is where avoiding the hospital has left me.

i don’t know! things are just so hard; i swear i’m trying.

i have good news, too. x2. i can’t share the latter, but the first part is that i am going to be in kitty‘s music video for her song afterglow, on her charm & mirror ep. kit has been one of my favs since like, 2011.

there will be a sfw and nsfw version; both coming out on 8/26/20. i am in both.

the sfw one will be available to view for free on kitty’s youtube, and the nsfw one will be available to view for free on her onlyfans page! also free! so check out those links; i’m super excited.

still struggling with pictures. perhaps i should edit some, soon? it might make me feel better.

smoking weed (oui’d) is keeping me sane, ish. it medicates my pain. when the available alternative that’d work is opioids/opiates, you really can’t complain about me being an embarrassing stoner.

the title of this post, is, of course, lyrics from taylor swift’s song seven. in case you needed to be told. oh! here is a picture:

my art wall
and here is me in kitty’s upcoming afterglow video, which i will of course share when it comes out!

that’s all for now.

xoxo

a photo update

I don’t update this blog enough. It’s because of my depression, mostly, which is ironic since this is a mental health-centric blog.

I actually updated maybe a week ago but the post felt like it came from too dark and numb of a place so I reverted it to a draft, as I have done with several of my posts over the years.

Anyways.

So, we all know that I’m in a bad place; I’m doing badly. I hate waking up most days and facing reality. I have things that make it better – earl grey tea with creamer, my emotional support animal and cat-daughter Xena, whose seventh birthday is coming up this February (!), and other things, like plans. Short term, like today I am looking forward to trying a guided meditation using an app on my meditation cushion (which is pink, of course – most things I own are). Longer term, I have goals, but probably too many that I’m unsure which I care the most about, so I don’t want to blog about that right now.

I have some sooc (“straight out of camera” aka unedited) photos that I took with my dslr recently, and that I have just been able to access on my pc as of yesterday since my desktop’s SD card reader is broken, my external SD card reader went missing, so…I bought a new external one. This one is better, because it lights up when it’s plugged in and more importantly, it’s pink. I thought I’d share some photos with you all since that’s one of the things that I do from time to time on here (I really want to get into making instructive how-to blog posts with pictures again, but you know…depression):

when I repaired my chair 🙂

Does this count as a post? Hopefully yes.

xoxo
Z

some pictures for you people to look at

I’ve been avoiding posting. How silly is that? I’ve attached anxiety to weird things, and made life worse for myself that way before, but I refuse to let myself develop anxiety around blogging. It has been helpful and an outlet in the past, and I have all too few things like that, so I’m posting. I’m posting because the more I do a thing I get anxious about, the less anxious I tend to get about it over time. It’s painful and sucky, and I hate that life works that way (for me at least), but it totally does. So here I am, blogging.

I have a LOT of photos to share – it’s part of why I’m anxious. It’s kind of overwhelming, and what if my DSL internet (I always joke about how slow it is with my friends) goes down for a bit and uploading all those photos at once fails? I have a ridiculously obvious solution – the fact that it took me this long to seriously consider it probably says something about my reduced brain function due to malnutrition – I’m gonna upload the photos in multiple posts, so I can do them in batches.

I’m gonna post a bunch of the photos here in this post, too! First of all, here is one single photo from October 2011, because I found an old little memory card with a bunch of photos on it. Some of them are dreamy, but I literally have only edited one and really looked at a few of the photos so far, so here’s the one I edited already – maybe I will share more in another post another time.

Yep, I have my fall of 2011 undercut and everything. I also don’t have my early 2012 solar system arm tattoo yet! Exciting things are in picture Zelie’s near future.

I also have a lot of more recent photos to share from much more recently.

Well, there you go! I might’ve captioned some of them another day, but today I think that’s all you get. I’ve napped, like, all day and I’m still tired.

xoxo,
Zelie

P.S.: I am having problems publishing this post and I am not happy about this. I want to go back to drinking too much coffee and worrying about my hair.

P.P.S.: OK, I think I solved the problem. Hopefully this will post now! Ignore my rambling, basically.

some adorable pictures of xena

hi guys!

just a quick post today, but I think you’ll like it: I took some lovely pictures of my cat Xena earlier, and I wanted to share. These are all unedited/sooc!

I really like how the sun glare looks in this one!
streeeeeeeettchh!
I love how you can see the little veins in her ear.
🙂

I hope that this blog post added some adorable to your day! I know that Xena adds a bunch of adorable to my day every day. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to find her and snuggle her for a bit.

xoxo,
Zelie Pie