wishlist

buy me a pink low pile rug and pink furniture paint with primer mixed in and
a new tall cat tower for my babygirl xena
and some 35mm film for my camera

pay off all of my debt and
help my mom repair her house and cover medical appointment copays
and ensure that my checking can always pay the vet bills

give me a place to live where i feel safe and free and
i want to walk outside again and feel fresh air
and i wish the most for a life with good mental/physical health for myself, for those i love

never had stitches

i’ve never had stitches
never felt the curved needle poke through my flesh
when i fell backwards onto hard concrete
and my head split open
it was medical glue that they used to put me back together

i’ve never had stitches
never cut my skin so deep that the wound couldn’t heal itself
there was that one time i probably should have
but it healed and now
there is only a large scar on my left thigh where i could have had stitches

i’ve never had stitches
never been brave enough to climb a tree high enough
to fall far enough to break open flesh and bleed out until sewed up
i avoid these hazards daily
anxiety keeps me safe from all kinds of injury – but good things too

i’ve never had stitches
my viscera is inside me and i haven’t needed surgery on it yet
Endoscopy, Colonoscopy, MRI, X-Rays, CT scan, Blood Tests
and of course also Etc, miscellaneous tests
no diagnosis came from them but also no need to be sewed up afterwards

i’ve never had stitches
mental illness is a wound that won’t heal on its own
it has been haunting me in multiple forms for years
but stitches are a disproven treatment method
for my cocktail of severe diagnoses that hurt invisibly without fail

i’ve never had stitches
i’ve had more than 200mg of klonopin in my body as an attempt to end my days
i was in the ICU in a coma for some time
then the psych ward
but suicidality is another wound of mine they can’t seem to stop from hemorrhaging

i’ve never had stitches
i am thankful to have never medically needed them enough
at least enough that i would have died without
or become infected
but believe me when i say, you don’t need to have had stitches to have felt pain