olaplex and chill update and the italian comics i remember from my youth

the title is referencing olaplex and chill orders of business, which i’ll get into soon, such as this video:

the title is also referencing some comic books i bought (or, my mom bought, technically, since i was 13) on my second trip to italy. i haven’t flown in years, but it used to be a regular thing for me.

sabrina is being cute. what’s new.

i couldn’t read the comics – i don’t speak fluent italian – but i was very into manga at the time, in fact that was perhaps my peak year of being Interested In Manga, so i loved it and read it and looked at the pictures in it. i was reminded of this by this video on youtube.

i also am so tired, but when am i not. i try not to nap so much! i swear i try!

i got a small amount of money, and placed a sugarpill order, with afterpay. old habits die hard. anyways it will be paid off within a month and a half. i bought the “fun size” palette, finally, and lumi, and ghosted, and trinket, and more! the little twin stars liquid lipstick set was on sale for $6. six dollars.

okay, so i have more shopping issues arriving to unbox. that’s okay, for now. i just have to face the consequences later like any decent person. i also have been fastidiously recording myself opening every package, even the ones i didn’t purchase, for months now, but the footage is mostly unedited…

1/366

so, yes, also, if you read the tiny photo caption, you know that i am doing 365days again. that was day one. i guess i’ll post them here – where else, since i deleted my flickr?

day two has more photos. i couldn’t choose. day one is a diptych but day two is a damned arrangement.

many of those technically are not eligible to be 365days photos, because they do not feature me at all and are not a self portrait. also, some are good, but some… are bad.

day 3:

day 4:

day 5 has been shot but i haven’t imported/edited/can’t upload it. yet.

so i’m trying. a year (a leap year!) of not being hospitalized. i’ll try my best. i hate the hospital anyways. they are not at all trauma-informed, which is ironic given what the environment is. of course, i refer to psychological trauma. yes, even the psych wards. yes, i would know.

i have goals! finally! i mean, i replaced my desire to die around 30 a la Sylvia Plath with a desire to [redacted] a [redacted] by that time. more later? perhaps! hopefully! definitely! oh well – i’ll hold myself accountable. i want to self-publish a poetry book. my mom referred to that as “vanity publishing” but things are different these days with ebooks on amazon and whatnot. i also want physical copies; print on demand. i know that means i’ll take a smaller %. i am broke and it is worth it to me to have a physical product. it is not about the money for me.

would i say no to success? absolutely not, but i also never (ever) expect it.

i will need a poetry editor, and an illustrator, at least. but? that comes later.

perhaps first i’ll self-pub a zine. perhaps not. who knows! the world is full of possibilities! it’s terrifying!

i’m trying, trying; i’ve been trying.
i miss the smith botanical gardens. i must go back. i must vlog it! lol.

anyways.

i guess that’s plenty for the day. even though it’s 4:12am. no promises on my next post (later/eventually/too long from now) because i post: whenever i feel like. a new rule! probably often. oops.

xoxo

and i need yellow diamonds

hi hello,

this post is currently titled “and i need yellow diamonds” which i find embarrassing! so i will have to change it at some point. it is a reference to peter (b.o.m.b.) (which stands for Back On My Bullshit), a song by kitty who i love and adore and support. from her album ROSE GOLD.

i am desperate to change the title. soon. its time will come!

i am editing selfies to look retro, with an app. in bulk! i am also moving files on my pc, because multitasking using multiple electronic devices is in my top ten hobbies (maybe.)

i honestly think ROSE GOLD is likely to be my favorite album of the year.

i’m wearing a pink pleated high-waisted miniskirt and a fuchsia turtleneck Barbie sweater. i absolutely look like a cheerleader! it’s cute though.

i’ll include a picture shortly, but not yet. in the words of many, but in this case werner von croy, a fictional character in tomb raider 4: the last revelation, “patience is a virtue” … he says that in the intro level, in cambodia, before the entire rest of the game which save one chapter in paris is set in different parts of egypt. for a long time, it was my favorite video game.

huji (the app i am using that i mentioned above) is taking a very long time, a verrrry long time to process these photos! i am impatient. i should take my own damn advice re: patience.

and for good measure, a favorite from an indie youtuber:

i like their videos.

i have new videos maybe? but whatever. WHAT EVER DOT COM. (is that a site?)

i have a crush on everyone! but especially my partner, who i have been on-again-off-again with but who i hope to continue dating… ♡

(i can’t help it, everyone is so cute)

it’s best illustrated by a comic my friend cory made his cover photo, that i am too lazy to find for you right now. i commented, “cory i don’t appreciate u putting this picture of me on facebook without asking first” and that comment has six likes. six.

move, copy, delete?

i’m actually listening to ROSE GOLD right now at this very minute…on track seven (medicine ft ricky eat acid)

i’m everyone’s favorite brat.
me dyeing teresa’s hair
the most recent one.
i MAY have uploaded this already?
the thumbnail for the olaplex & chill i edited that i need to re-edit.

i wish things felt better. i hope that they will, with time, and higher antidepressant doses.

i made a new instagram, a trashstragram, a side account, whatever.

xoxoxo

olaplex and thrill pre-halloween personal update

hi,

I don’t know how to go about writing this post. I am planning on making a new wordpress dot com account soon. That will be a more personal space. This space, sugarette dot net, I consider to be partly yours, too – if you are neurodivergent or chronically ill, or disabled.

TW SUICIDE in this post

It’s weird seeing that I wrote that I’m safe on september 9th, because two days later I made my most serious suicide attempt yet. I originally wrote “so far” but I don’t want to do that any more. I may want to, but I won’t, because after being intubated and unconscious for over 24 hours, and seeing how much I scared some people, and watching yet more people walk out of my life as a result, I don’t want to do that again. Not for myself, but so that I do not hurt others.

I don’t mean to hurt others. I don’t want to hurt others. To be selfish, I must admit it hurts me to hurt others. I am constantly hurting because of the hurt of others. I feel too hard.

I started making videos about mental health, like I’ve been meaning to for literal years.

Here are the first three of my Olaplex and Chill series, which are already published on my youtube. I have other videos, but for this blog, these three seem the most relevant, at least right now.

Olaplex and Chill 1:

Olaplex and Chill 2:

Olaplex and Chill 3:

It is the third one in the series in which I address my most recent suicide attempt. I put trigger warnings in all of my videos before triggering content.

The Olaplex and Chill concept is simple, I shower and apply olaplex to my hair (which you are welcome to subsidize the cost of by sending sephora.com e-giftcards to zelie at zelie dot co so that I can purchase olaplex for videos more easily), then while it repairs my hair I sit and talk to my camera. I “chill”. It’s obviously a play on “netflix and chill”, which I enjoy, because both first words end in X and both last words are “chill”…obviously.

I can’t afford the adobe suite right now, since my promotional intro period price ended, so I cancelled my subscription. I have a week long free trial to use to edit video footage, and then I have to find the best open source video editing software for me.

I’m not going to address that aforementioned suicide attempt in much detail in writing right now – I’m not ready.

I titled this blog post partially “olaplex and thrill” for halloween/samhain. I am taking my wicca more seriously, so to me it is samhain. My spirituality does a lot to help my mental health. I am taking steps to try to help my mental health get better. It is so bad! I am safe, but of course now, here, that means nothing.

Things are bad. The political climate is scary – terrifying, even. I have gone numb, despite my best efforts. I stopped looking at the news. I have not stopped caring, but for the most part (very much mostly but not entirely) the fire inside of me that burns to help others is being overshadowed by a great burdensome need to take care of myself and my body.

I have a new handle. @zeliethorn . I have a new twitter and the same instagram at a new link and the same thing applies to my tumblr page. I will be updating the links on this page momentarily to reflect any changes since they were last updated.

I hope to make videos about coping, soon. I hope to cope, myself, soon.

xoxo
Z