crystals i ordered online etc

crystals are arriving today.

and other things (oops? not that i’m on a no-buy currently)

so, hello.

the person you wanted to be like sends me money now.

of course, that image is old. the hair! my hair is much lighter and longer now. i suppose i should show you all soon. i’m just so tired, but maybe pictures…? soon?

not that you can see my hair, but these harley quinn cosplay pics are recent:

of course, i am cosplaying her in a scene from suicide squad, namely this one:

margot robbie, let me be as beautiful as you pls.

so, the crystals are arriving today, and perhaps i will vlog them!

but who knows. who cares? who knows.

i am blogging and blogging and going and going and things are ok, i guess, but also bad, because always (the when are they not? etc) i don’t eat enough, and i’m worried about me, but like, it’s fine.

it’s fine. i’m fine.

truly the words of someone desperate to be perceived as “fine” (whatever that means!)

in that first picture, the very first one in this whole entire blog post (lol) i am wearing a jane mai shirt that says “cunt is such an ugly word i’m so pretty though”; and for a long time it was my favorite shirt. i love jane mai! we have sort of become acquaintances, to be an awful name dropper. i have been ordering things from her for years, so we have some sort of rapport. she has put nail polish bottles she knew were dupes of ones i wanted in my order boxes. and more! i love her!

i subscribed to cat marnell on patreon, because idk. the appeal is there. the writing is good. the photos are better (cat marnell’s photography skills are not spoken about often enough! they exist!!!) so i pay ~$6 a month now to read her articles. i can’t afford it, i do it anyways.

i can’t afford most things. i do them anyways. my december and january rent remain unpaid. please president biden, a 3rd stimulus check would save my ass at the very least (i jest; it’d do much more good than that!)

as always, my venmo is zelie my cashapp is $neoncherry my paypal can be found here and that’s about it! well, there’s always patreon, and onlyfans. lol. onlyfans is obviously very 18+. the patreon membership of $1 per month or more helps me pay my silly subscriptions, and more importantly it gives you access to my discord server, automatically, even though i suck at bots! i need to go back into my server settings and figure that out lol!

i hate that thing. that so many people do. that thing. that show. that so many people like. i hate it! however, hate is unconstructive. i should focus that passion and energy into love. into things that deserve love, like almost nothing left in my life.

obviously my cats are a huge exception.

i sit here, blogging, AND vlogging, (writing, AND filming myself writing). i sip my coffee. it is still warm. for a moment i find peace.

life is torment but i needn’t drag others into that. i’ll be back.

xoxo
zélie

rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling, down, down, down

more updated youtube (and tiktoks, but you’ll have to find those yourself):

i keep dissociating; bad for finishing dehydrated. i think i have to delay releasing the album of mostly covers i haven’t even mentioned yet. so no august 1st. i’ll update you all soon on that, in case you care.

i’m so tired. i need my morning coffee.

x

perhaps a second morning coffee.

x

perhaps i will release a lo-fi album that i won’t take seriously, and a book of self-published poems, and go to college, and work, and more, but perhaps not. i am twenty seven years old.

this is the obligatory part of the post where i explain that it is my twenty-eighth birthday in nine days, and that my amazon wishlist link can be found here, because i get to post that occasionally, like right before my birthday.

i am bleaching and dyeing my hair soon. probably not today.

my friend Alexis made me as a sim. realistic, no?

i don’t know what to write. it’s not writers’ block, i think, it is a deep tiredness that echoes through my being and attitude towards life.

you can also send me money for my birthday as a donation: paypal.me/zelie

sorry if i seem desperate, it’s because, well, i am.

things are complicated and i keep dissociating.

xoxo
zélie