on repeat, like a disco ball on a motor or a record with auto function set to on.
i spritz the annabel’s birthday cake perfume onto my wrists, and i pray to venus. aphrodite, if you will. i study astrology and i check which planets she was connected to when i was born, which houses, other placements, aspects.
astrology is something that io used to take with a large grain of salt, but the older i get, the smaller that salt is. it’s more fun to believe.
i haven’t published a video since my last post, so i don’t need to embed any here. what a relief, this time. it would be too much as a follow-up.
the radio static blurs with the other sounds, in the way that sounds blur when you get old and you can’t help it. they move closer together, a tribe of fiends. they are beautiful jewels, but you can never touch them.
i published a tinyletter letter while i was gone, but that is almost nothing now.
i plan to go walking amongst the pine trees of new england, the tall pines that smell strong and grow fungi on their sides amongst other trees and foliage, flora and fauna, the wildlife of massachusetts. i plan to bring my camera: trees are a photo activity, just like open fields and parks can be for painting in the sunshine.
sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? well, maybe not, if you are depressed enough. if so i am sorry.
a friend/former hookup asked me why i suddenly want to go on walks. well, it’s not sudden, but he doesn’t know that. i pause, “i just want, need even, to feel better,”
it’s true. my mom has cancer and i don’t even know how many times i’ve made that statement as an explanation for my mental state now.
the photographs don’t matter, today.
today, this is enough. we are live again on my blog! hello!
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