temporary but open to change and should i really catch up on the videos in this post? probably not

first post of 2023. oops.

i have media to share, but that seems to pale in comparison to words right now, at least mostly? it’s kind of hard to explain but even harder to display, so here i am writing.

my mental health has been… not good.

my mom got cancer. that’s her business so i won’t go into it.

learning bounadries is weird.

can i blame my struggling with it on my 5th house pisces moon? yes, but also, i am to blame. this keyboard likes to double-space when i hit the keyboard once, a singular time, so there might bee double spaces randomly for now.

i need new:

  • headphones
  • aux cord
  • mechanical keyboard
  • microphone

like…ugh, that’s a lot.

i’ll have to space out the purchases and save up in order to deal with these problems. well, i have an aux cord on its way to me now. that’s the only cheap one, well under $10 usd and yet looks sturdy. yes, i will take one. it’s a set of two for under $10 usd and i have no choice but to buy two if i want one? okay, i’ll take two.

i’m still having dreams that i don’t want. i woke up depressed this morning. that is so much more extreme than these sentences make it sound. it is a real, life-interfering problem. leave me alone, leave me be. unless you want to email me, i guess.

or contact me on escargot msn chat. the info is on my website, so go look if you want. yes, that is my most current and up-to-date website, as of april 16th, 2023. i also am @zelie or @zelieonline almost everywhere on the internet. i don’t know

i mean, maybe i do, but even figuring out IF is exhausting in a way i’m not prepared to endure, frankly, since things are so difficult already and it’s absolutely unnecessary.

my esa cats help hugely, as always. they are pretty damn healthy! up to date on vaccines and the only thing the vet noticed on checkup was some plaque, which is not ideal but also not very serious (yet?)

i have so much footagge to edit. also to post. mostly to do both with, in the order i wrote, mmm, yes.

there are many new videos on my youtube. it’s not really a big deal, but i will link them later/soon. in addition to other media, i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know

i got put on lexapro and i hate it. i’m going off it as soon as my doctor approves that. hopefully tomorrow, over the phone with my med nurse. i also have to go help my mom with a few tasks tomorrow. little things: taking out trash and recycling, cleaning the cat litter trays, etc.

okay, that is all for now.

mostly, i wanted to return. soon it’ll be domain name time but for now i don’t think so. oh well. maybe by the time you see this! no idea what i mean? i don’t really care. or, ask me, and i’ll explain then. if i can recall at that time, i absolutely will.

socializing is really difficult. i get so tired so easily.

i am hungry; time to go.


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