myself as the court jester

adorn me in a mismatched array of harlequin diamonds in different colors
paint my face white with thick makeup, smothered, only your former lover.
turn your bare civilian face away as my tears still escape my will and they run down; paint smears off
in circus school they taught me some love to watch her, a tragic mime, not allowed to laugh or to cough

i slowly became a jester inside my own heart, dancing sadly, feeling lonely
my actions matching my outfit, a clown, a fool, missing you with myself to blame only
who could resist a glimpse of my sequins flashing by catching light like fish scales
shining in an attempt to grab your attention, yet you can apparently, it is to no avail

aerial silks hold my weight and yet more white paint falls off my face
in salty involuntary tears that plunge below hitting show horses’ plumage and ruining my grace
circus showgirls below roll their eyes at my antics above,
my legs are still bendy like pretzels like the kind you once truly loved

nothing i can do will make you notice me again,
and so i pull myself up ever higher, to a circus tent ceiling
i might as well disappear if i cannot have you, only tears (simply a habit)
below, clowns bend balloons and a magician has a white rabbit

like icarus too close to solar heat i find myself directly below the beam
supporting me, holding me sturdy like these strong silks without seams
could they snap like my psyche, they’d break under my weight, i’d tumble down
i have long synthetic glued on lashes, but she’s with you, so i frown

i let myself fall, a mile a minute, til my every toe
is but an inch from the floor; all ten pointed in slippers; yet i do not let go
i have spun in circles for you and twirled bejeweled batons
all to impress you, it never works, so why can’t i move on

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