sorry to write such a visceral title without warning. it had to be done. pills, oh, and peach prc’s favorite flavor of monster energy drink, possibly to self-medicate undiagnosed adhd (in both cases!)

i’m not planning on staying on this corner of the web forever… i WILL get better at coding, make a neocities blog, and learn about rss so that you can, too. write a manifesto. whatever.

you’d think poetry would be spilling from these lips or trickling from my fingertips, rather, but how when mark lanegan is dead? RIP Mark Lanegan. a personal hero of mine. i later loved his song hit the city with pj harvey, but his work with the screaming trees was my favorite. i’m sure his qotsa stuff is good, too, i’ve just barely heard it. i was a pearl jam fiend, a grunge head in high school. if i listened to it in 2009, you could bet it was grunge – or rock n’ roll from the early 1960’s through to the late 1990’s – or radiohead. i was so into rock! i was a guitar girl, except unlike the one in the sarra manning novel, i barely learned to play guitar. i never learned to play bass, my dream since age 11 when i met jasmine (jazz – hello, if you read this) and fell into preteen adoring fan mode fully for british predecessor to one direction “mcfly” (yes, the name is a back to the future reference.)

i used to fantasize so hard. used to? hmmm.

it’s pisces season, and i’m pills but not in a glamorous rrw (rachel rabbit white, who i learned of through cat marnell’s patreon column, a guilty pleasure of mine.) i’m cigarettes but ew no – i’m alleric, i don’t smoke them (i suppose [redacted] do.)

so many parentheses, only two bottles of flavored electrolyte infused expensive water left, and the pixie stick energy drink is gone and i had one peach pink rose drink earlier but now half of the other is gone and there’s only one left after that! the urgency! i hope you believe it. it is real.

it is!

…and yet, it is not, for what could be. we haven’t lived in reality, or, pisces season, for a bit of time. aquarians always confuse me, too, though i do know that aquarius is an air sign not a water sign (a common mistake!) pay me to skype with you naked or whatever sometime. then i’d gladly tell you all about my natal birth chart, and i would not lie. i rarely lie; i prefer to evade the truth. i am a bad liar.

aquarius is xena, aquarius is my harasser, aquarius is over, piscean time has begun. should i pull a tarot card for today? you could look back, and reflect, but by the time you see this any wisdom from it may well be a moot point.

sip. pink drink. sip. remember tab energy? i drank so much of that! oh, and it was pink! i was probably self-medicating the aforementioned likely (not definite) but not diagnosed adhd, with caffeine (as you likely know, a stimulant) in large quantities. i do that now! people look at me in disbelief when i tell them i drink 20 cups of coffee a day. i shrug where they can’t tell through the internet and let it go; if you’ve met me, you likely know.

so, back to mark lanegan. screaming trees. qotsa. well, not really that one, but the rest. i did a silly little song cover video:

for whatever reason, my youtube gained a few hundred subscribers. this allowed me to claim the convenient url:

youtube.com/c/zelietv

seriously, you can put that in your url bar, it’s like magic. bad videos of me singing aplenty.

you can also click it… i put the link there for ease of use. c’mon, what are you waiting for? you will be rediirected to a new tab for it anyways, because i want you to be able to keep reading me without losing your place. i know, i know, baby; i’m so good to you.

HA.

the tone of blogger becoming flirtatious with one’s own blog (or rather, one’s followers i suppose) how ridiculously tacky and weird. i love it? though i would do so in secret if i could, and i’ll refrain from being that way the rest of the time. at least today! i jest, idk, i have my limits, let me live my unpredictable and chaotic mannered life… or something. perhaps i am done with all that! it is not for every reader of this blog to know.

i have other exciting mini projects but for self-imposed or other reasons i cannot speak about most of them! i must mail my 1990’s fashion hardcover book to rgr, she will love it. sealed! what a treat! i also once bought her the book i mentioned earlier (guitar girl by sarra manning)

i guess i have a new youtube intro and outro and stuff. whatever? i don’t really like it, but like, it’ll do, and i am the one who made it, so i only have myself to complain to (and my two cats, who are doing wonderfully, btw, thank you for asking!!!)

sabrina literally just climbed up onto the bed next to me and, um, adorable. i love her. i love xena. i love not [redacted]

i’ve been taking photos – still photos, sometimes even ANALOG FILM photos – again. i missed it! i miss little so much as this… i must do more. it brings me such joy. sometimes (rarely) it is evident to me that my joy is a good thing.. ! right now? yes.

i would upload pictures but i don’t know if i care. except i do, because i care so deeply, i just pretend not to. i’ll explain more later. also, i’m probably deleting instagram just like i deleted my facebook account since 2011 (i can’t access the one i made in december 2005 using my high school email address), so i want to share the memories. can someone download the videos and post them to twitter or something for me? a big ask, but idk how. maybe just tell me how. anyways, here, or, i guess, something,

my hair is so long, so so long now, it is the hair i have wanted for 10 years. the glow up i have needed. soon i will be immeasurably hot. haha.

glitter.

not even sure if i put that one on here yet… it’s on my website, zelie.club

which you should visit, and support the small web !

finally, a slight throwback!

it’s actually fine and adorable that pixielocks or their partner fucked up my name, i don’t mind at all. i don’t even pledge any more (to their patreon), so what right have i to complain? exactly.

oddly enough, i don’t use url zeliethorn dot com any more.

i’m literally 17 years old in that picture – and my hair is a very similar hot pink cherry BLAST color now!

cherry cherry cherry cherry cherry

i bought the book “cherry” by nico walker. i haven’t read it yet. i mentioned his wife earlier, rachel rabbit white. i bought her book, “porn carnival (paradise edition)”, and i have read most of it. i also bought her ebook/audiobook combo of it, and her breathy voice combined with cat marnell’s which i do know from her narration of both self tanner for the soul and how to murder your life which i purchased not only a paper copy of but the audiobook too when i learned how much i enjoyed listening to cat’s voice speaking her writing! i beg of you, cat and rachel: please start a podcast. i already slid into rachel’s dms white (i should not have been) drunk (but i was) and left her embarrassing questions to figure out whether to answer or not. she did not. she also did not block me, for which i am grateful.

if rrw and cat don’t do a podcast together, i will have to keep listening to the only podcast i currently care about, uh, other than my own (“cassettes”)

it’s glorious. it’s by melissa broder, solo.

it’s a podcast called “eating alone in my car” and no sponsorship or affiliation or anything, you should go listen to it. perhaps it’s just me who can only stand things being relatively mundane. not completely, of course (cancer the crab walks sideways and claws do pinch; that’s my sun sign, cancer.) i love everyday vlogs and, well, the podcast “eating alone in my car”, so perhaps my life is different from other people’s. if melissa broder’s name is ringing bells in your head but you can’t figure out why and are too lazy to google it, i got u. she’s the “so sad today” twitter owner, and she writes novels, and books of essays, and her poetry, which is what i care about and enjoy the most from her, maybe more so than “eating alone in my car”…

here’s a link to my podcast, i guess.

and then we move on, because while i embrace cringe (really; i wore a lot of clown makeup recently; truly) i don’t want to stay in that particular spot for long, like a deer worried it’ll be spotted on common hunting grounds for people who like to shoot and kill deer.

oh no. i have 4 discord messages. well, i’ve been writing for a while now, probably, and i have included some of the pictures – more later.

xxoo
z