i am the blood that you have to spit from the back of your throat when you wake so you don’t choke

oh, that’s just a me thing mostly? my bad.

it’s been a while. let’s not address that. there’ve been assorted seismic shifts in the structure of this blog, but here we are. here i am. let’s get to it, baby! why you ask? well i am uncomfortable and embarrassed about it! so i will probably write yet another unpublished post and hide it away in my wordpress data if we go there. so. let’s just not.

i dyed my hair – not revolutionary, i know – but what might be, is that i dyed it dark blonde-light brown, the color of avril lavigne’s hair circa let go, my very own natural hair color! the intention is to grow it out, long and healthy and did i mention long? shiny possibly, too. that would be nice. to have hair that glimmers in the sun like when i was a child.

so it’s, like, 5am, and i did in fact get some sleep but i’ve been up for a little while now and it prompts me to wonder what the fuck is up with my sleep schedule.

here’s a picture where you can kind of see my hair:

yes, it has sabrina. yes, you are welcome.

i am also sat upon my new bed in it – the one that isn’t a now completely broken metal frame that would creak, and then creak more.

yes, i am blessed to have air conditioning. air conditioning privilege.

i have been sorting; tidying. my beautiful friend alexis has been helpful for this, too. she comes and motivates me to work, and does work on my apartment too! i don’t ask her to or anything, but who am i as a depressed low functioning girl to turn down help from a friend cleaning? she is so sweet! shoutout to alexis.

compare to this my current harasser moaning and groaning back when we were friends when i’d ask her to clean dishes she got dirty, a policy not specific in my apartment to her but rather because of my ocd, and often she’d “forget” to entirely and then never speak of it again! there are worse things, i know. like harassing someone!

the discord server is okay. it is doing okay. thank you for asking.

i deleted my onlyfans, which in actuality means sometime in 2022 when the last membership purchased runs out it will self destruct, or so i’m told. it feels nice, to once again be struggling with only my ssi and not worrying about losing it.

my 29th birthday is in 10 days, i suppose! wow! that is soon! last year was fine but in that way that sucks. this year i want to be chaotic perhaps even if it means it’s in that way that rules.

there are too many things to update you all on, really. too many! i swear. my word doesn’t mean much to some, but i haven’t been lying lately, or about some of the things that people have accused me of lying about. it’s a lot. whatever. you know? it’s a coping mechanism, to be like, whatever.

so one iteration of the sugarette dot net saga since i last posted here is that i made a neocities account that is to a simple website i coded; html and css. i need to relearn so much and then learn more! i love it. the zeyspace/myspace page is coming along nicely, but kitty coded that one. yes, that kitty. the most important thing here is that if you wish to view my currently and likely always simple site, you can do so at zelie.tv

i’d love to stay and chat more, but my arms ache from anemia and typing and i suppose i should have a coffee… take my meds! take yours if you needed a reminder 😉

xxoo
zélie

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