it’s all ending, gotta stop pretending who we are

…you and me, i can see us dying, are we?
– gwen stefani, no doubt, don’t speak

trigger warning, idk, all the things. i am too tired to seek them out for you. peruse with warning. perhaps i will come back and edit this.

i did a new youtube, maybe more than one, but here is yesterday’s:

so, that aside, what is there? sleeping? self-hatred? something more has to exist

an older pic of me (2016?)

my memory is so severely impacted bymy cognitive impairment. i don’t mind too much.

i film everything anyways.

i’m too normal and indoctrinated into the healthcare system for some of my friends. for some of my dreams. a thought that makes me choke: i may never strip at a strip club like i want to

i’m filming right now, even as i type out a wordpress post, and i am so, so tired. i missed an appointment this morning – one that could help me. i was too tired.

i am drinking coffee now, so i am less tired, but still fatigued.

sabrina kisses from a few months ago. i weigh noticeably less than i do now. i didn’t realize at the time.

i miss taking pictures.

i’m having a hard time. not really sure what’s going on with my brain. i took my meds this morning – that feels important to document. still, cup #2 of coffee and i’m here, really struggling. maybe i’ll edit another video from my backlog of old footage.

i swear i want to try. i will preserve as many images as i can.

a bad huji edit/crop of a good photo i took
i took this from a plane window when i was 15 years old

for now, i’m tired. there is so much. literal terabytes! perhaps my words are worth more, but i don’t really care right now.

oh well. i truly am sorry for being such an abysmal blogger. or perhaps i just do things my own way.

xo
zélie

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