what does the 4am wordpress post insinuate? perhaps most of us already know the basics: insomnia, for one.

i’m sat here smoking weed, alert as could be (not really but quite alert) and ready for today. my med nurse will be here later than usual. my injection will be due today. that’s okay. the abilify one, once per month? not my birth control injection which i get every three months. i get both in the gluteal muscle – it hurts less than the arm.

perhaps my uncle learned years ago to write at this hour rather than make asocial phone calls, in order to preserve relationships. i think he used to wake ridiculously early too.

i have three texts i want to read, but i’m a monster who keeps read receipts on my iphone, and i don’t want them to know that i awoke and read them at…well, you know. 4am.

i am losing weight. not a lot, not all at once, but noticeably so, both in numbers and size. i have mixed feelings about it – the malnutrition symptoms get bad sometimes.

i have been doing sw, through september, and i don’t know if i am quitting at the end. i mean, i think technically i could get away with doing it for another month, but do i have the energy to keep up with it? that, i am not sure. it is all internet-based, but still, so tiring. why wouldn’t it be?

i guess this is what i have in me for a 4am wordpress post. i need coffee, or more of it, rather. i need to wait and then at 4:30 take a medicine. i need to shower, oh, desperately (thanks depression.)

i have cold coffee. i want hot, freshly brewed coffee.

i may make and sell presets soon; either briefly, or probably for longer.

xoxo
zé