losing my own life story

how do i reconcile with myself that i’m skipping chunks of time…?

how do i become okay with not having documented my days. i look at my blog, there are weeks to months missing, sometimes of pictures and sometimes of posts. i look at my camera roll on my phone and there are two, maybe three silly photos from each day. nothing important or worthwhile most days.

i’ve spent my life documenting in photo and video…i’m tired of this.

i’ve been watching catcreature and cheyenne barton on youtube. i love their cats. i watch too much youtube.

i’m tired. i’m losing the game that my mental illnesses force me to play with them every day. i’m okay. i’m safe. why is everything so hard?

does it matter?

years ago to the day i received a nail polish in the mail from jane mai, a dupe for deborah lippmann’s candy shop, a pink creme with rainbow glitters in it. hers was from forever 21, but it meant (and means) so much to me. she’s sent me other things since, but we talked more then, and she was aware i had been coveting the lippmann polish.

five years ago to the day.

i am cold now, in mostly only a jane mai sweater with a bug face screenprinted on it.

i have an eye infection again, and life is unfair..

xoxo
z

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