i’m deeply unhappy

hello!

I took the photos below as a tribute to Xelia, who, along with several other amazing women, helped inspire me to get into photography. Boy, am I glad I did that! Thank you, flickrites, for showing me the light back in the day. I wanted to show these photos off because I like how they turned out, overedited and all, and also I look really cute, I think. Not to mention my fries bralette is the cutest ever.

I also am hearing my eating disorder constantly tell me that I should have photoshopped myself to look thinner, because look! Look how fat I am! I know logically I am not fat but my ED wants me to believe that I am. I am ignoring my ED. I am posting these self portraits. I am attempting to recover?

I also revamped my blog layout a little bit. Let me know what you think of the new graphics! I plan to make even more changes and even the stuff I’ve already done can be changed again so let me know what you think is working – and especially what isn’t. Please and thank you!

(yes, that is a wig.)

It’s very, very difficult to write about mental illness or even coping right now. I feel like I am getting by, but barely, and certainly not functioning well enough to advise others on, well, anything really. My depression is at a low point. I’m aware I’m usually doing badly, and that I might sound like a whiny crybaby, but guess what!? I am a whiny crybaby and depression sucks and I want to feel happy again.

I got carried away ordering too many free samples that were linked on those FREE STUFF 4 U 2 FIND ONLINE websites (which are great, btw, I make fun of them because I love them) and now I have so, so much mail coming that is just, like, packets of sweetener and little sachets of skin cleansing oils. I’ve already got a few of the things in my mailbox. It’s nice, I guess. I really hate walking to my mailbox (which is unreasonably far from my apartment) only to discover that I walked there and have to walk back for no mail whatsoever. I’d rather get bills than nothing, to be honest. Snail mail is great. Let me know if you want to be my penpal, I guess. I reserve the right to say no to you if you seem creepy or whatever.

I’ve been photographing cosmetics a lot lately.

Well, that’s all for today! I want to blog more often, so maybe that will happen (?).

xxoo,
Zelie

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